Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
