i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
