He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
