when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
