...so i touched it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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