I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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