don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
