It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so let's talk penis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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