I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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