Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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