Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
