to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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