dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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