You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
