Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
