When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
