walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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