I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
