Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
