I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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