Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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