Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
