That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
