I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
