I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
