Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
