so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
