She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
