I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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