THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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