hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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