I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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