all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
