kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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