I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
