we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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