OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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