The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
