he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
