after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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