tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
