So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's the barista slut.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
