When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
