Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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