I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
