omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
