i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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