i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
