some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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