this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
